“I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather, I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ.” – Galatians 1:12
Who I was:
I was a born Christian for 23 years, practising faith by compulsion, having my own doubts which were amply nourished in medical college. During those days, a friend of mine used to bring Bible to the college, who was so passionate about God, that he will not falter despite sufferings. I had looked at him as a fool, as in my opinion, one could be flexible with faith. However, I was very impressed by his faith.
Days, after returning from prayer meetings with scare, I used to keep the Bible on my bed side believing God is close to me, until my anxieties are allayed, when it would go back to where it was before. During those days, I was critical about preachers and ministers, and never believed in evangelism and miracles.
I was so obsessed with worldly pleasures, that I can’t even perceive or think or comprehend the pleasure of walking with God.
“I was literally blind”.
Anointment:
Following my mothers cancer healing, in May 1998, I decided along with our family to go down to the Divine Retreat Centre for thanks giving. Though I did not want to go whole heartedly, God’s plans were different. I set apart on the 2nd of May 1998, when I didn’t know to the remotest of my heart that I am going to meet my saviour Christ, the Lord. I didn’t like the environment, which did not fit my patterns of life and so I was keen to flee.
Now I realised someone speaking into me for the first time ever in my life, that I am making a premature comment on matters, which I didn’t have a clue about. I had an intuition to wait and see what would happen there.
“I obliged???
I chose the last seat to evade questions and try to keep myself as far as possible from God, my Lord. The following verses pierced me as a double edged sword, which transformed me.
“My son, if you have sinned, do so no more, and for your past sins pray to be forgiven. Flee from sin as from a serpent. that will bite you if you go near it; Its teeth are lion’s teeth, destroying the souls of men. Every offense is a two-edged sword; when it cuts, there can be no healing.” — Sirach 21: 1-3
On Sunday, during the Eucharistic adoration, I was astonished to see an infant with a single stretch of white garment in the Eucharist, which completely shocked me. I never convinced myself before, that Christ is there in the Eucharist. I shut my eyes in fear; I swerved my chair to prove to myself and to say to everyone that it was a reflection of light. However, I looked like a fool as I couldn’t prove what I wanted to.
I was caught up in fear and was scared, didn’t utter a word to anyone that day, but went to bed with lot of uncertainties. Next day, I was eagerly looking for Eucharistic adoration. I was happy on that day to know it was plain bread, as I didn’t see what I had the day before. How good it is for one to say, that Lord was not there, revealing our spirituality and relationship to God, despite saying, Christians all my life through.
The following day, 5th of May 1998, I went for confession after a long time and at the end, I felt unburdened. Incidentally, when I returned after the confession, I sat in the middle row and soon realised, that the Lord was speaking to me. He asked me to get rid of my sandals, as He said to Moses. I obliged.
I knew in my heart at that time, it’s going to be a different day. As I was praising the Lord, I realised I was speaking in the heavenly tongues, which I had practised hard, days before, to mimic the preachers on the stage. On the very evening, proceeding to the Eucharistic adoration, I saw the same infant Jesus in the Eucharist and shut my eyes and swerved my chair again as before.
Now, in my vision, I found two black birds flying and I was asking myself, how come evil could come out of me, as I was Holy!!! Deep in my heart, I had an urge in me to ask for God’s Holy Spirit, not knowing exactly what I am asking for. In my next vision, I saw two white pigeons.
Mystified by the visions, I opened my eyes to see a beam of light in the Eucharist. It was so radiant and luminescent that I couldn’t see it continuously. At one point, it started to move and the trajectory was towards me. It was so obvious that it was coming to me, as it did, to engulf me totally, when I felt, as if I was thrown into a freezer.
I was trembling and shivering in chillness, when I couldn’t control my emotions. I started weeping. I didn’t bother about anyone around me. In my heart, I knew I was making one to one conversation with my Saviour and my personality was vanishing. I had extraordinary perceptions about what was happening around me and what my parents, brothers and neighbours perceived about me. I didn’t care!
My thought at that time was not to miss my God. In my heart, I was born again and I knew what salvation means.
My Calling:
The very night, on my way back to the bed, I heard the Lord speaking to me again, to be obedient, modest and truthful to him. I couldn’t sleep that night. I was sweating profusely at the heat of that summer night. I was hitting the toilet every 15 to 20 minutes without being thirsty, stopping and praying, laying hands over the heads of men who were awake in the heat.
I didn’t want to do this but I couldn’t control myself. In my personality, this is something which I never wanted to do, nor would ever encourage doing. I never dreamed, that it would ever happen to me, which I couldn’t resist on that day.
I hated myself!
Later, I heard someone speaking into my ears, calling me to follow him. I resisted with my whole heart with full force, that I wouldn’t. I made the God aware that it was inappropriate for Him to call me at that time, when I was entering my post graduation as an orthopaedic surgeon.
I told Him if He had ever wanted me, the calling should have happened during my school days, not when I had set my career with lot of aspirations and ambitions to achieve, which would bring me fame & wealth.
The Lord said only one thing to me. “I need you, Come follow me”.
He annoyed me saying this again and again, which made me realise, I was wrong to ask for his Holy Spirit.
I thought to myself, as being foolish in the first place to come there, obliging to my intuitions and then subduing myself knowingly, to the unknown fact about Him. I felt desperate at one point if He would stop speaking to me. However, His conversation materialised and evolved asking me, what stopped me following Him.
I said, the world has so much to offer and with my aspirations, there is plenty to achieve. He asked if I thought they were Eternal pleasures. I replied, I don’t know. Then I said I need it as I know it will make me happy.
He was sad.
He paused for a while and asked me if I trusted him.
I said no.
He looked obviously sadder.
He was reading my mind in which I wanted to say Him “Shut up”.
I gave him Grief!
However, to my surprise the Lord was kind and patient. HE didn’t rebuke me but said, “If I make a covenant with you, that if I would fulfil your heart’s desires, would it then make you consider following me”. As I wanted Him to stop talking to me, the answer from me was yes.
He said, “Okay then!! I will see you after”. It was 4AM, when I went to sleep and two hours later, on my way to the prayers, I felt very happy in my heart, which was so awesome, which I have never ever cherished.
I was slowly getting to the reality of knowing what Eternal pleasure means, which I never understood before. That Friday, when I was supposed to leave, I didn’t want to. The God asked “Why?” I said to Him, “It will be easy for me to practise Him inside the retreat centre, as there will be no challenges from the world outside. He smiled and said, “I was complacent and lazy”.
He made clear to me, the reason for my call is not to sit there, but to go and face the challenges outside, by living and practising His faith, to make Him proud. Now, I had a laugh. I told him, if that would be the reason for my call, He would be disappointed.
He replied, “Go now, wait and see!”.
Who I am?
Honestly, I didn’t understand what He meant on that day, but as days rolled on, I realised that He started to explore and display my unearthed qualities to my awareness and to his advantage.
Now it’s getting to 12 years since this had happened and I am standing before you all, narrating not just the events that happened to me, but also making others know, who my God is, how He is as a person and a friend looking after us day in and day out.
I missed my God for 23 years in my life!
I do not want you to!!
He is just near you!!
In HIM
Look!
Feel!!
Move!!
God’s Entrusted Mission in me!
Mission:
- Create good ministers for God.
- Nurture children in God
Achieving it?
By infusing passion and enthusiasm for God
To Serve:
1) Follow Christ by
- Knowing
- Learning
- Loving
- Serving
2) Reformation for
- Person
- Community
- Church
3) Reflect Christ
4) Breath in Christ
What drives me?
- Hope
- Belief
- Faith
- Trust
Current Projects:
- Zion Voice – printed monthly magazine running for the last four years, available in English, Tamil and Malayalam. http://www.seeyonkural.org
- Prayer ministry – weekly prayer meet at home, monthly in church, night vigils, prayer petitions
- Retreats, sponsor communities for a day to week retreats with appropriate follow up.
- Supporting other missions – Sponsoring hymn books…………..
Future Projects:
- Prayer centre, to accommodate the increasing masses and to increase the availability of service.
- Orphanage, to nurture children in God’s passion.
- Retreats for ministers – Arranging regular retreats to create good ministers
Field Work:
Street evangelisation and community work